What The Hell Is A Snooki?

I disposed of my TV in 2008. That doesn’t mean I don’t watch TV…I have internet and I know how to use it. Ditto, DVDs. But my life does not involve channel flipping or background telly.

For this reason, I must ask you: what the hell is a Snooki?

I’m aware this creature is female, because of the pronouns I see attached to her weird name on the covers of the sort of magazines I don’t buy.

(I don’t buy these magazines not for intellectual reasons. I don’t buy them because I’m a massive snob.)

But what is she? I gather she’s been pregnant for at least two years, which narrows down her species a bit. Elephant?

I also glean from multiple sources that she has been impregnated by at least a dozen men at the same time. I’m stumped on that one. Maybe a rare underwater mammal?

The Snooki is also present at lots of celebrity-type events with photographers and publicists and stuff, so maybe she’s a performer of some description. Or a bartender?

Your answers below, please.

Contact the author here: miriam@morningquickie.com