Can I Be Okay With Boyfriend Seeing Sex Workers?
March 14, 2012 1 Comment
Dear Madame X,
I don’t know what to do. I just found out my boyfriend goes to prostitutes. We haven’t been dating very long and we aren’t exclusive. He didn’t want to tell me because part of the thrill is the taboo. I’m supposed to be a good feminist and support women’s rights to do sex work if they want to. He says he’s safe so I’m not worried about that. So why does this bug me so much?
Worried
Dear Worried,
Most people are conditioned to think from a young age that there is something wrong with going to sex workers. And sometimes, even if you think objectively that it’s okay, you can have a very different reaction when you are faced with the reality.
You need to figure out why it’s bothering you. Is it the social conditioning and the way society looks at sex work? If that’s what it is, and you can truly be okay with this after some reflection, then there’s no need to worry.
But if, with time and reflection, you can’t accept it then you need to tell your boyfriend.
Then it’s up to him whether he prefers to stop seeing them and keep seeing you or if he prefers to end your relationship.
You can’t dictate who he has sex with, but you also don’t have to be okay with this if you aren’t. You two need to come to an agreement if you want your relationship to work for both of you.
Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.
Being a “good feminist” does not mean going against what you personally believe. It’s awesome that so many women are willing to reach outside their comfort zone to embrace a lifestyle they don’t understand or accept; it’s beautiful when we can love people as people, without taking into consideration the choices they have/haven’t made. However, most sex workers in the United States, moreso in areas where prostitution is illegal, are victims of human trafficking. They were bought and sold to do that job. Furthermore, many of the men, women, and CHILDREN in the sex industry, even in the US, are not equipped to properly protect themselves from sexual infections and diseases. This is unacceptable and, without knowing more information, I would encourage my friend to discontinue seeing this man. There are too many factors here that can’t be fully understood or documented.