Could A Man-Crush Really Be Love?

Dear Madame X,

My boyfriend seems to have a man-crush on one of his male friends who he really looks up to. They spend tons of time together and he gets all excited and giddy whenever he calls or texts him. Should I be worried? Could he really be in love with his friend? He has always dated women but I’m really confused by this.

Third Wheel

Dear Third Wheel,

The thing to think about here is that if they were dating I highly doubt they would be so obvious about it in front of you — people usually try to cover up affairs.

It sounds like your bf is infatuated with this guy (has a man-crush, whatever you want to call it), and there’s not anything intrinsically wrong with that.It’s great that he has a new friend he admires and looks up to — someone to inspire him to be a better person.

The problem comes if your boyfriend is spending time with this guy at the expense of his relationship with you. Is he excluding you from parts of his life that he used to share with you? Is he cancelling dates with you to see this guy? If so, he needs to be made aware of how this friendship is affecting your relationship and needs to find a balance.

I doubt it is love, but talk to him about how you are feeling and see what reply you get. Chances are this is no different than any other crush, it will pass, and your boyfriend will stop acting so much like a giddy teenager.

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.