Laptop Bags: Too Big And Too Sparkly

Laptop bags; conspiracy of the patriarchal overlords. Oh yes.

I am a woman with hands. The average-sized hands of an average-sized woman. So things should basically fit into my hands, especially the things I need to do my work on an average day. Like my laptop bag.

My longest finger (the middle one, I’m not one of those freaky people with an elongated ring finger) doesn’t quite make contact with my hand when wrapped around this giant laptop bag handle. That’s a problem when I have to heave my laptop onto the train every morning, up and down the stairs, on and off my desk.

And what do I see when I’m trying to rub life back into my fingers? My male colleagues, with their giant man-hands wrapped comfortably around their laptop bag handles, smiling serenely. No numb fingers or bruised wrists for them.

I have scouted a few lady laptop bags, but the damn things have hideous sparkly labels on them, or are emblazoned with words like “foxy.” I don’t wish to carry a bag that looks like a demented teenager’s fashion crisis.

Don’t get me started on the shoulder strap. I shorten it as far as I can, and it’s still too long for me to reach the bottom of the bag when it’s on my shoulder. Do you know what’s at the bottom of my bag? The same thing that’s at the bottom of your bag. THE THING YOU NEED. Keys, cigarettes, tampons, phone, pepper spray. Whatever. I have to fumble for my travel pass, balancing the bag on my knee while standing on one leg on a moving train, spilling coffee on my blouse. Meanwhile, male commuters comfortably reach into the caverns of their bags with their enormous man-arms, easily producing their travel pass and whatever the male equivalent of a tampon is.

And you WONDER why there’s a wage gap.

Contact the author here: miriam@morningquickie.com