Watching Porn During Sex Is A Turn-Off!

Dear Madame X,

My boyfriend needs to look at porn while we have sex. It bothers me because I feel like he isn’t paying any attention to me and is focused on the TV. He usually tries to copy some of the moves, despite the fact that I don’t really like them. I have asked him to turn it off but he refuses, calling me a prude. Could you please suggest some woman-friendly porn?

What You See is What You Get

Dear What You See is What You Get,

I could offer you some female-friendly porn, and I will, but that’s not really the issue, is it?

From what you say, it sounds like your boyfriend has absolutely no respect for you.

But I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure. Did you ask him to turn it off politely during sex and he said no? Or did you sit him down and have a serious talk about how his behaviour is affecting you?

If not, that’s what you need to do. It might be that he really doesn’t understand what the problem is, and unless you have a serious conversation he won’t know (he’s not a mind reader after all).

Tell him that you feel he’s not paying attention to you. That you feel he doesn’t take your sexual needs into account. That you feel like you are just being used. That he doesn’t respect you as an individual woman with her own wants and needs.

Chances are, if he is a good guy, this conversation will make everything clear to him. If he really loves his porn, negotiate how often you want to look at it with him, but the rest of the time you two will amuse yourselves the old fashioned way. And, when the two of you amuse yourselves without tv you can show him what sexual positions you actually do like.

He really needs to know that porn sex is not real sex. They are actors playing a part and most of what the women look like they are enjoying they actually aren’t. Women get most pleasure from clitoral stimulation. You need to show your boyfriend what you like and he needs to learn that porn is simply a fantasy.

If you want to try some female-friendly porn for your allocated porn time with him, you can google “female-friendly porn”. A quick look found sites like Porn Movies for Women, A Woman’s Guide to Porn, and Ms Naughty (I’m not endorsing these, I’m just telling you what’s out there). But please, if you are not happy watching porn you don’t have to. And that’s just too bad for him.

And if he doesn’t get it after this, and still calls you a prude while forcing you to watch porn, then maybe you need to look for a new boyfriend.

Madame X is a master of sex. She is adamantly pro-sex which she translates to pro-fun and pro-safety. An avid practitioner of the activity, she has also been trained in the technical dos and don’ts. No mere agony aunt, she knows of what she speaks. Send her your questions, comments, and concerns about sex and relationships here.