The Ladder Conspiracy

Ladders. Patriarchal conspiracy. I’ll explain…

This week I climbed a ladder. I was trying to reach a loft space, where ideally I could leave my Big Suitcase which at the moment is stuffed with fabulous knitwear. Seems like a simple operation, until I tried to, you know, put one foot in front of the other and found it far more difficult than it should be.

This situation reminded me of the months after buying my first apartment, a high ceilinged place which I lovingly sanded and painted. I spent a lot of time up a ladder then, and still remember the unpleasant feeling of trying to climb a ladder whose rungs were too far apart for me. I’m not a tall person, but not much shorter than the average, you know, woman.

How can you paint a ceiling if you can’t climb a ladder? With great difficulty. And how can you maintain your home’s interior if you can’t reach the top part of it? Also with great difficulty. And that, dear reader, is how the patriarchal overlords intend to take us down. Via the ladder manufacturers.

All these years we’ve struggled for equal rights, including the right to own a home. We can sign our own mortgage agreement, install our own washing machine, paint our own ceilings…the latter, of course, is difficult when the ladder makers are in cahoots with the illuminati who are essentially a patriarchal elite hell bent on undermining women who wish to buy their own homes. They also have something to do with aliens, I think.

Anyway. Down with the patriarchy. And up with the ladder rungs.

Contact the author here: miriam@morningquickie.com