A few years’ ago I suffered an injury to my groin and had to go to hospital. The hospital was small and there were not a lot of doctors. The resident urologist was a woman, and I did feel uncomfortable being looked at by her.

However, that paled in comparison to what happened next. It was decided that my testicles were too damaged to save and would have to be removed. The urologist would do the surgery.

I was wheeled in to the OR by nurses, one of whom was obviously inexperienced and didn’t know what a bi-lateral orchiectomy was. I felt shamed and embarrassed when I overheard the one ask what that was and the other one whisper “they’re going to cut off his balls.” Would it have hurt for her to have said “remove his testicles” instead.

I was grateful to finally be put under anesthetic. The final ignominy was a nurse checking the stitches and applying antiseptic to my now empty sack.

I realize that there are far more women being examined by men than the other way around but I thought I’d share.

In my case, my fiancée proposed with a ring that she made of wood from a tree nearby our home. Soon after, we did decided to get a sturdier engagement ring for me (one made of metal, with stones). Why would we do that?

First of all, she’s not a jeweler; the ring she made wouldn’t last a year if worn daily. Second of all: it is a symbol of our love and commitment and we wanted that tradition in our relationship—and wanted it to last longer than the wooden version. And an engagement ring IS a marker: “We are engaged and we’re serious about it.” Whether or not you want to believe it, when OTHERS see a ring, they think “engaged / taken / ooo that diamond’s a doozy!” or “She said yes to THAT?!” We did not get the ring to prove we’re engaged, though. Nor to prove our status. We got it as a symbol of our love and commitment. And yes, it’s beautiful.

I offered to pay half the cost of my ring, but my partner wanted to buy it for me. She doesn’t want a ring. She isn’t hiding our engagement by not wearing one; she just knows that she’ll only want to wear a band eventually and doesn’t want the band until our wedding day. We thought about her band moving from the right to left hand, but it wasn’t for her. Knowing that she’s not a “ring person,” I got her an engagement gift: a necklace.

People could get any number of engagement gifts for their partners (men or women). A watch? Fanciful cufflinks? Earrings? A bicycle? Whatever. If a ring is meant to be a promise, a token of devotion and a symbol of your love that you intend to vow for a lifetime, then I think for equality’s sake each partner deserves a ring or gift to show that sentiment. (Unless s/he doesn’t want it.)

For us the ring is more than simply an agreement or contract to marry: it will forever be a reminder of this time in our lives and how we feel about one another. Do we NEED this reminder? No, probably not. But it’s nice to have. And even though we upgraded from wood and even though it’s easy to fall into a competition in today’s society, we are not showing off. The total cost of my ring, her necklace, and our two wedding bands came in at less than one week’s (combined) salary. My computer was more expensive…and it certainly won’t last as long. We’d rather have the extra thousands in savings than on our fingers.

What I find very fun though is that my rings (wedding, anniversary and engagement) are all new, purchased together and from joint funds.  In contrast, my husband wears my family antique, a gold band from my father’s great grandfather with a date of 1861 engraved inside as his wedding ring.

If we were getting engaged now, I think he would have asked me to marry him with a heavy ring in hand because he knows I love having a physical reminder of how he feels about me to look at each day.  Rings are lovely like that since they can been seen as easily by the wearer as others (unlike necklaces or earrings).  

In giving my husband my family heirloom I promise that having it worn by him is so much better than having it sit in a jewlery box, safe and sound.  This was a worry for him since he removes his ring numerous times a day usually. But I’d rather he wore it for a day and lost it than have him ever feel it was more important to me than he is.  Our intent governs the meaning… doesn’t it?